During Memorial Day weekend, I had a heart-to-heart with someone very dear to me who will remain anonymous. We talked about love, relationships and a certain young man she has feelings for--dare I say love? Well, one of the things I shared with her is the importance of guarding her heart, something I wish I had done years ago.
Had I done that, it would have saved me a lot of heartache.
I remember being completely smitten and wrapped up in this one guy.
I couldn't even imagine what I would do if our existence as a couple came to an abrupt end, though I would eventually find out. At the time, I was living in a new city, only knew his friends and family, and was completely dependent upon him for companionship. Consequently, when our relationship crumbled, so did my world. I literally felt like I didn't know what to do, or where in the world I belonged.
I was left heartbroken and emotionally distraught. My feelings were poured out, spilled onto the floor, and trampled over.I didn't know how to move on from years of hearing "I love you" and basking in romantic moments spent with my one and only love. Instead of saying, "Oh well, God has someone better," I was crying and saying, "My life is over!"
It took a long time for me to see myself as a single woman who could stand on her own two feet. I was pretty shaken up. Apparently, I'm not the only one who has experienced this. After having come through that most unpleasant season in my own life, I'd like to share a few things I learned that I believe will be helpful to you.
Never Lose Yourself In a Relationship. I once made the mistake that many women make: building their lives around a man. Although breakups are naturally difficult to handle, they especially hurt when you put so much of your heart, mind, and soul, into a relationship. That's why your wholeness cannot be dependent upon a "love connection."
Because, in the event that a sweet relationship turns bitter, if you lost yourself in that union somewhere along the way, you'll find it nearly impossible to move on. That chapter of your life will have ended, but you will remain stuck in a time long since passed, and won't be able to turn the page. So ask God to make you whole within first. Then you won't lose yourself, your identity, your individuality, or confidence, even if you lose that relationship.
You are worth more. After I came out of a bad relationship, I was lied to and mistreated so badly, I second-guessed my worthiness to even have a good man. Sadly, I wasn't sure I truly deserved to be with a mate who would love me as Christ loved the church, according to Ephesians 5:25. It took a lot of time, but during my healing process, God began revealing to me how valuable I was to Him. Once He renewed my mind, I was finally able to reject the vicious lies that framed me as an unworthy woman who would always have failing relationships. You shouldn't accept such falsehoods either. Instead, trust that you are worth far more than rubies. It doesn't matter what your ex put you through. Ignore it and believe what the Lord says about you. And God says you are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Guard your heart. I don't promote going out with every Jim-Bob that comes your way. Excessive dating, or feeling the need to always be in a relationship, is unhealthy. Sometimes, it's better to take a break from dating and get your life together so you'll be prepared when love comes your way. Even when you meet men who seem really nice, I caution you to guard your heart. Everyone's intentions are not right, so don't allow everyone who says "I love you," or "You're beautiful," to sweep you off your feet so quickly. I admit it; I did that. And it was a mistake. If he wrote me poetry, sent me flowers and told me why he thought I was the most beautiful woman in the world, I was putty in his hands. Try not to be that way. Accept compliments and kind words for what they are, but don't allow them to put you so high on a cloud that you forget to pray about the one delivering those compliments. Everyone you meet doesn't deserve your heart.
The Pain Won't Last Forever. After being emotionally invested in a relationship that ends badly, the experience can be pretty jolting. It's normal to feel like your world has been shattered. Whether he cheated, lied, walked away, or moved on as a part of a mutual decision, the fact remains, he broke your heart in a million pieces. But know this. Your heart can and will be pieced back together again. The pain will go away. Your internal wounds will heal. With the help of the Lord, you'll bounce back as a thriving single woman. And when the time (and the person) is right, you will enter into a healthy relationship. In the interim, spend time praying and seeking God for deliverance from any brokenness and baggage. He has the power to restore your joy, peace, and faith in true love.
I know a breakup can feel like a devastating blow, but you can go through it without completely breaking down mentally, emotionally, or physically. When you know who you are, what you're worth, and what God says about you, you can live your life with joy-single or attached.
During you in-between times, the most important thing is, knowing God has a plan for you.
This article is brought to you by Relationships Advice Blog.
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