One of the most difficult parts of being in a relationship is resolving conflict when it comes up. Many people think resolving conflict involves arguing, screaming and having some kind of a big blowup. In reality, conflict should be resolved calmly and amicably between the partners. In the end, you have to remember you are in a loving relationship between two people who should only want the best for each other. When resolving conflict becomes about trying to be "right," you are most definitely only asking for trouble... BIG trouble.
Noted therapist Dr. Phil, often asks people if they would rather be right or happy. This is such an important point to remember when you are trying to resolve conflict within your relationship. If your end goal is to be right, that means you wish your partner to be wrong. In other words, you are looking to be the winner while making your partner the loser. That is the wrong way to approach conflict resolution in any relationship. There should be no winners or losers.
The first key to resolving conflict effectively is to remain calm. Turn on your ears and turn off your mouth. Let the other person do the talking because they may simply want to be heard so they can feel important to you. Allow them to express what they need to say and really listen. Don't sit there trying to come up with what you plan to say next.
One of the most important parts of resolving conflict is really considering the other person's point of view. Instead of trying to defend your own position, think about what they are saying... and whether or not it has any merit. People say what they are feeling. Feelings are always true. Even though you may not agree with their perception or their feelings, that doesn't mean they don't have the right to feel that way.
It also helps to mirror someone's words back to them. For instance, you could say, "So if I'm hearing you correctly, you're saying that you... " Sometimes, resolving conflict is more about letting the other person know you are really hearing what they are saying; more than it is about coming up with a solution for the problem. Most importantly, if you know you are wrong... then apologize. Take responsibility for your actions and words. Often, a simple apology will do wonders when it comes to resolving conflict and getting the relationship back on track.
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