What I Found in My Relationship Autopsy

Failed relationships are one of the biggest causes of unhappiness in life. Whether with our parents, friends or mate, we need to understand what caused the relationship to break down in the first place. This post is intended to provoke self-assessment in order to gain key insight into how to revive the dead places of your relationships. I'm personally taking a page out of my life to express this idea of thoroughly examining some of the dead periods of your relationships in order to determine what caused the death or injury that may still be present.

A few weeks ago an acquaintance of mine asked the question "Hey Dwain, can we meet? I need to talk to you about something." I told him I would be glad to meet and I set up a time and place to make sure it happened within the time I had available. Over the years I couldn't tell you how many times I've been asked that question in one form or another, and how many different people I've been blessed with the opportunity to encourage. However, my priorities should have dictated the amount of time I devoted to counseling or just being there for people. This question led me to write this post about examining what actually caused the dead places in a relationship. Over the years this was something I failed to do, and as a result it took a long time to find a cure for my disease. If I could do it all again the amount of time I spent would have been more dependent on the season of life I found myself in. When I was single I could give more time but when I married and started a family, my time began to shrink.

As a person who genuinely cares about people, I wanted to help people as much as I could. What I didn't know is that my desire to help others was causing my priorities to get out of whack. I was neglecting my own family in the name of helping others. So many people had come to know me as the "friend, mentor or brother who has been a blessing in their life." It took a while for me to come to the realization that my role as a husband and father wasn't as high on my priority list as it should have been.

Today, I am proud to say that I am cured from that disease and have the following set of priorities with my wife and kids in their rightful place:

• I love God above all else. God is the foundation of my marriage and family so it's only right that relationship with Him is my first and foremost priority.


• I love my spouse with the love of Christ. The greatest compliment I could receive from my wife is for her to compare my love toward her to that of Christ. When she encounters me I want to be a reflection of Him. The only way I can achieve that goal is to take the yoke of Christ upon me and learn of Him. The more I know about the ways and character of Christ the more I can be like Him. I will always be a work in progress but the idea that I am working toward this communicates great peace and love to my wife.


• I love my kids. I have to say that the order matters for both the husband and the wife. Deuteronomy 6:6-7a says, "These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children." In particular it is my responsibility as a father to train and instruct my kids in the Lord according to Eph 6:4. However, it is the order that unites us as parent for the task of raising our kids in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.


• I love being involved in the local church. This is one of the best places to make lasting friendships that provide a level of accountability and protection against the fast paced culture. With these and other relationships I have been able to make a collective difference in the lives of others and in the community in general. Church membership reinforces my call to help others and my desire to make the world a better place.

This order is what facilitated unity in my home. My Wife knows I'm seeking God's direction for the family. We are in agreement with each other on every decision we make and therefore the kids have no conflicting messages as to the direction of our family. Together we are able to nurture our kids and admonish them in God's ways, His Word and His pleasures which flows down from the head.

This article is brought to you by DATING SERVICE.