Relationship Advice - Should You Try to Change Your Partner's Habits?

Statistically speaking, the odds of you finding someone who is exactly what you are looking for are minute... at best. No matter how darling they may be in your eyes, there are bound to be little things the love of your life does that just makes you want to run a million miles away at times. Do you overlook those bad habits, the bad whatever, in order to get the good? Or do you actually try to get rid of those annoying habits, in other words "change" the love of your life?

Making a decision to try to change a person is a huge undertaking because you are, in essence, asking them to go against who they are. And maybe you aren't even giving them a choice, you are just going to go in and bring it all about!

So before you start, one of the most important questions you need to ask yourself, is: why am I trying to change them? Are you doing it to improve them generally, for their own good; or is it for you? Do you have a personal stake in this and, if so, what is it?

Next, ask yourself how bad is the habit or trait you are trying to change? Is it really worth possibly causing trouble in the relationship? If you are trying to get them to stop smoking then there is a clear and undeniable reason behind your motive. It's because you love them and you want them to be healthy and live a long life... right! If, however, you are trying to get them to change how they hold their fork when they eat, then you need to determine how much attention you want to place on this.

Ask yourself how important it is for them to change? Will you care any less for them if they don't change? Will you love them more if they do? Is it a shallow reason that would warrant more of your love? Can you not give them all of your love even if they don't change?

What happens if they are not willing to change? That is, if they get a choice. Is it a deal-killer for you? Can you live with their decision to ignore what you are asking of them? Will you resent them, or do you play the "if you loved me, you would do this for me" card?

The bottom line is you should not ask your partner to change unless it is something that is going to improve their life... not yours. They might resent the request and even if they do change the habit that is annoying you, they might not be doing it for the right reason. We all have habits our partner would probably prefer to do without. But maybe it's these little habits, the little things we do that are different to what others do, that also help to define who we are.

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