I was 17 when I had my first kiss - EVER. I fell in love like mad and it was such a wonderful feeling. It's always easy to differentiate when you're in love from when you're in a seduction game. But I was in love then and Promise was her name. She was a great girl. She taught the naive-me how to kiss, how to fondle with a woman and well, just so you know, she never disvirgined me. She only gave me my first true kiss. Heavenly is what I can describe it with at best.
When the time came for her to take me to bed (of course, she was in charge of the relationship back then), I grossly disappointed her because I was so scared. You know when you hand a 2-year old baby some juicy oranges and they can't even grasp it properly? That's how I was with her. Even worse. But she never said anything and she never pushed me again to try sex. She only left. And she left me, refusing to pick my calls or reply my text messages. The week after she bought me a big cake for my birthday, she vanished into thin air. I only got to learn that she had moved out of town by then. I was devastated. That was the picture of my first and last heartbreak.
You may have experienced one too, or you may be going through it right now, or you may be scared to want to experience it. The fact is that you fall into one of these three categories of the heartbreak hotel club. Over the years, I learnt just how to get over this depressive feeling, especially when it's your first time ever.
First of all, you have to write down exactly how you feel on a piece of paper. Start the sentence with "I'm not happy about what happened because I feel that... ", then you fill in the blanks. The objective of this step is to come out clear with your feelings and have you consciously focus on them and understand exactly what they are, via your penned confession. It's like knowing that a football is inside a well of water, but you can't hold that football until you draw it out from the water. Then you can hold it, study it and even play it.
Next, you have to ask yourself, "What do I want now so that I can be happy again?" In answering this question still on your paper, you and many others, though being sincere, make the mistake of thinking that they need their ex-lover back into their lives to become happy again. But that's not true. Why? Because the power to be happy shouldn't lie in the hands of your ex-partner or present lover for that matter. That signals total dependence, which isn't healthy for any kind of relationship. Instead, the power to be happy should lie in your OWN hands. And that signals independence, because therein lies the true power to enjoy life and live to the fullest. So I would want you to ask yourself, "What do I want to do to become happy now?" What have you always wanted to do? Write this down.
Next step will entail you searching for a group of people or one person who is currently doing what you wrote as the desired activity that will make you happy. Sit back a while and think deeply about who to find relating to your intended activity. This step will help reconnect you back to the social hub of existence, so you can start dealing with your pain.
When you finally meet these people or this one person who are/ is currently doing the activity you want to start engaging in, ask them and find out why they do what they do. Ask them why they derive joy doing that activity. This will give you, not only the advantage of seeing life from new perspectives, but also enrich the meaning into your own quest for happiness.
Finally, you'll have to lie back in your sofa or bed, or wherever you feel comfortable and visualize yourself enjoying doing this activity. Make the imagination so real that the smile escapes through your face as you lie down where you are.
AND in no time, you'll notice you are starting to feel better.
I've used it and it works.
Try it!
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