4 Ways to Rebuild Self-Esteem After Being Verbally Abused

Verbal abuse can take a serious toll on one's self-esteem leaving life-long scars that never completely heal or go away. These scars will pop up later in life- perhaps on the job; perhaps in your first real relationship; or perhaps when you begin your journey into parenthood.

Examples of verbal abuse: name calling, shaming, blaming, screaming, degrading someone else, humiliating someone else alone or in public.

How to cope with verbal abuse:

1. Call it for what it is worth. This is very difficult to do if you have been a victim of abuse for years and are fearful that the verbal abuse will escalate into physical abuse. However, no one should ever tolerate abuse of any kind- verbal or otherwise. We teach our children in school not to tolerate bullying. Verbal abuse is a form of bullying- it is bullying the victim in to submission. When you are being abused, you should let the abuser know their words are unacceptable. Tell them the reason the words are not acceptable. Tell them that intentionally using words to hurt someone or to force them into submission is no longer acceptable. Each time this situation rears its ugly head repeat to the abuser that the behavior is not acceptable and bullying will not be tolerated by you.

2. If verbal abuse escalates into physical abuse, make arrangements to immediately walk away. Your life, your health, and your safety are worth so much more than any relationship with an abuser can dictate.

3. Avoid arguments and conflict with the abuser. If you can recognize when they are trying to engage you in conflict you can walk away and diffuse the situation almost immediately. If you react and engage with the abuser you are giving them what they want- control over you. Maintain control over yourself.

4. Seek out counseling and use it to consider leaving the abusive relationships that you are in behind in the dust. What purpose are they serving? Can you get that purpose filled elsewhere in a healthy manner? Work on ways that you can take back your power.

How to rebuild self-esteem after being verbally abused:

1. Make a list of your positive assets. This list could contain anything from physical attributes such as the color of your eyes, to the shape of your legs, to the color of your hair to the personality traits you possess such as kindness to others and a willingness to always help others out in times of need.

2. Practice gratitude. Be grateful for surviving the abuse. Be grateful for the resilience that you have gained in the years that you have dealt with the abuse. Be grateful for anything that you can find in your life because the focus on what you are grateful for takes the focus away from the negative things that this abuse did to you and it takes the power away from the abuse and the abuser. The more you focus on the negativity- the longer the abuse and the abuser continue to control you.

3. Focus on your accomplishments. If the verbal abuser in your life has you convinced that you are worthless and that you are good for nothing it may be very difficult to find anything that you see as an accomplishment. Take a trip down memory lane for a few minutes and you will come up with a few things that are great accomplishments in your life that at one time gave you great joy. Perhaps it was learning to ride a bike, learning to drive a car, graduating from school, or securing your first paying job. These things were all major accomplishments.

4. Set goals. If you have had no major accomplishments, now is the time to start looking forward to the future. Find one thing that you really want to do. It could be something totally new like jumping out of an airplane or it could be returning to your field of work or study. Make a series of baby steps that lead to reaching your goal. Try doing some research- find out what steps you need to take to reach your goal, tell someone close to you about your goal, and start taking the steps to get there. Be sure to remind yourself every day that you are worthy, that you are special, and that you deserve more than relationships with abusive people.

This article is brought to you by MATCHMAKING.