It can be really hard to get a man to explain the real reason why he broke up with you. Often he will give you some lame excuse like 'It's not you, it's me' or 'I need some space'. Or he might just stop calling or returning your calls - this is very common after a short relationship. And you are left wondering what happened, and how you can get him back if you don't know the reason why he left!
You may be thinking that finding out is easier said than done. What if you are completely confused as to why he left you?
You need to get him to explain. But even if you try asking him in a non-threatening way why he wanted to break up with you, he will probably not want to talk about it.
Men hate having these kinds if conversation. When he breaks up with someone a man expects an emotional reaction, which he wants to avoid. He is also reluctant to hurt your feelings further, and to have to cope with your crying and recriminations.
Of course your feelings are quite natural. But men often try to avoid the negative consequences of rejection, and hide and disappear instead of confronting you and telling you why they think breaking up is the best option.
So, in order to get an explanation from your boyfriend you must show him that you have the emotional maturity to handle the conversation. A bonus of doing this is that you will also earn his respect for your ability to behave calmly in a crisis.
You should start off by saying that you respect his decision and that if he feels unsure about the relationship then it's best to end it. Tell him you agree with the break up, and that there is probably someone better out there for both of you. Say that you are glad to be able to talk to him about it, as it will help you to move on to a new life without him.
Once you have established these boundaries, try to lead the conversation into a little more detail. Say that you would like to know if it was something you did or didn't do that caused the breakup, so that you will be able to avoid making the same mistakes in the future. Tell him how much you would appreciate a little frankness, but that you will respect his decision if he prefers not to talk about it.
When he sees that you will accept his point of view with grace and dignity, he may well be much more willing to give you an explanation. If he is feeling bad about the breakup, he may want to justify his decision. Be prepared to listen to a conversation which is likely to be both difficult and upsetting, without getting emotional. Having promised to listen to him without reproach, it is essential that you stick to your word, however difficult it is for you.
When he has said his piece, you should thank him and refrain from getting into an argument by offering your view. Give yourself time to think about what he has said, so that you can decide whether it really will be possible to build a successful relationship with him. Don't be afraid to face up to your incompatibility if there is really is no hope that you could get on together.
If you genuinely feel that you could make things right between you, then you need to show him how you see the future by your actions. Don't try to talk him into coming back - it won't work. He will only come back if he believes his life will be better with you in it. Remind him of why he first fell in love with you so that you re-awaken the initial attraction between you. This is what will make him want to get back together with you. And now that you have learnt a little more about what he is looking for in a relationship, you will be able to give it to him.
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